I Only Take the Best
by WitlessFool
Summary: To those Mary Sues out there masquerading as ordinary teenagers: just because you've accidentally stumbled into my universe or even inside my TARDIS doesn't automatically mean you can come aboard - even if you turn out to be the last Time Lady. I only take the best. I've got Rose. A (not really) tongue-in-cheek mocking of badly written Doctor/OC fics. Ten/Rose FTW! COMPLETE


**Disclaimer:** Doctor Who isn't mine. Simple.

**Potential spoilers:** brief references to series 1-3.

**Author's Note:** I couldn't help but write this. Can I just begin by saying I don't have a thing against well written Doctor/OC fics. It's not something I read but hey, at the end of the day, a good piece of writing is a good piece of writing.

This fic below is really aimed at those poorly constructed Mary Suesque plotless fics that are really the writer's way of dealing with their crush on (most often) David Tennant's or Matt Smith's depictions of the Doctor. This is just my opinion so if you don't agree, that's okay too. I'm really not trying to start a war online. :)

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**I Only Take the Best**

The TARDIS was acting up again.

That was nothing new. The Old Girl was practically a museum piece by the time he had snuck in and borrowed her. So now, almost 900 years later, fixing up the TARDIS was fast becoming a daily occurrence, just another chore to do at the end of the day like cleaning the dishes or watching a film with Rose in the library.

The Doctor was startled out of his thoughts when sparks burst out from the tips of the two wires he was trying to connect together.

"Sorry, Old Girl," he murmured fondly. He knew she didn't like to be compared to domestic tasks, almost as much as he didn't like performing those said tasks.

Well, that was before he met Rose anyway. The Doctor had found that when it came to Rose, he was willing to put up with most forms of domestic-induced torture.

Except for visiting her mother, the Doctor thought as he deftly brought the two wires together. Once every couple of months was more than enough, thank you very much. His cheek still tingled at the memory of the last slap she delivered.

Suddenly, the TARDIS groaned, as if under immense pain. The whole console room shook, knocking the Doctor off his feet and sending him crashing down onto the floor. He scrambled back up to his knees and grabbed onto the console, and waited for it all to stop. Sparks flew from disconnected wires. Light bulbs from the console dome flashed and broke. Debris rained down all around him.

Then they landed.

In the eerily still silence that followed, the Doctor slowly got up onto his feet and looked up. The TARDIS column was glowing in an ominous orange colour.

"Oh no, not again," he groaned out loud.

He had to designate the new colour after the twentieth time it happened. Sure, for as long as he could remember, there had always been an occasional occurrence now and again. But ever since he picked up Rose back on Earth in 2005, it was as if the flood gates had been blasted open. What's worse, the frequency at which this was happening was increasing at an alarming rate. And he had no idea how to make it all stop.

"Oh my God! Where am I?" the sound of a young female voice could be heard from the other end of the console room.

And for some bizarre reason, nowadays, they all seem to be vapid teenage girls.

Walking around the TARDIS column, the Doctor resigned himself to be greeted by the sight of a prime example of one such teenage girl who had appeared out of nowhere, and who was presently busy gawking at everything she was seeing.

"Oh hello," the girl finally took notice of the Doctor. "Oh my God, it's really you. That means I'm in the TARDIS. Oh my God, how did I end up here?"

Without another word, the teenage girl ran down towards the door, her feet pounding against the metal grating sheets that covered the floor. The Doctor sighed as she went to do what he presumed was the obligatory tour around the outside of the TARDIS before coming back in to say the traditional "it's bigger on the inside."

He used to always look forward to that. But now he was beginning to associate that line with code orange and it just annoyed him to no ends.

But first thing first.

"TARDIS," he called out to the old girl as he brought the computer screen around to face him, "is Rose still on board?"

He received a reassuring hum in reply. The TARDIS was just as possessive of their Rose as he was, if not more. Especially considering what happened the first time, the Doctor thought darkly. Some foolish girl thought it'd be fun to take over Rose's role, deleting her from existence. Neither the Doctor nor his TARDIS found that amusing. Before those memories could swamp him and drown him in a deep pool of sulk, he forced himself to turn back to the computer screen and do a quick scan for everybody else who had ever travelled with him. That was usually the easiest way for these invaders to breach into their universe and specifically his TARDIS – by simply taking over one of his companions' role.

A couple of months ago, the Doctor had directed the TARDIS back down to Earth when Martha called, thinking the UNIT needed some help from him again, only to discover a beaming young redhead bouncing up and down on her toes eagerly awaiting their arrival. According to the redhead, Annalisa Faye was her name (apparently, she was a direct descendent from Morgana Le Faye), she had been the one who had travelled with him to visit Shakespeare and old Manhattan and looked after him when he turned human. Of course, there were slight moderations to the timeline along the way – it was _her_ name that kept him fighting and she had to pretend to be his wife during 1913. She was at the UNIT to recover from the ordeal of walking the Earth and now that she was all better, she was ready to continue having adventures with him.

That was strike one for Annalisa Faye – thinking she could just hop on board the TARDIS without asking.

She had leapt up to the TARDIS console and began chatting away to her as if they were old friends. The TARDIS emitted a series of beeps, all conveying her displeasure of being fondled by the stranger. The Doctor wasn't sure what Annalisa was doing, probably trying to display her close bond with the TARDIS. But to him, it just looked like a brainless bimbo stroking a fancy sports car simply because it was shiny.

Strike Two – pissing off the TARDIS.

"I have Rose," the Doctor had pointed out to Annalisa when she looked expectantly at him with her wide emerald eyes blinking away like Christmas lights.

"Oh that's fine," she waved the issue away as she laughed airily. Her voice would have been described as melodious and angelic if it wasn't for the fact that the Doctor had heard plenty of other melodious and angelic voices from those that came before her. "You only picked up Rose because I begged you to not go on alone. I didn't want you to grieve heartbroken and alone while I was away. Now that I'm back, we could just swing by the Powell Estate and drop her off to her dreary life and dead-end job."

Strike three and the unforgivable one – insulting Rose.

Annalisa was ready to have adventures in the TARDIS with the Doctor. But tough, the Doctor didn't want anything to do with her. He felt great satisfaction teleporting her back to whichever universe she originated from.

"Doctor," Rose asked as she stepped into the console room, "what's going on? I felt us land, rougher than usual."

The Doctor shook away the memories as he popped his head over the computer screen to beam at his human companion. "Yes," he began brightly, "we landed. Not to worry. It was just the TARDIS decided to take us –"

"What's going on, Doctor?" Rose asked with a flash of her tongue between teeth grin, not fooled for a second by his nervous ramble.

"Oh nothing much," the Doctor chuckled, resisting the urge to scratch the back of his head as he knew that would give him away.

"It's bigger on the inside," the strange girl exclaimed as she picked that moment to rush back into the TARDIS. Her voice, like all her predecessors, was melodious and angelic. The Doctor glanced over at her with exasperation as she stroked the TARDIS coral, eliciting a few annoyed beeps in response. Her long wavy brown hair cascaded down to her lower back, accentuating the impossible slimness of her waist. She was wearing a white cardigan, short pleated skirt and a pair of high heels that accentuated her long slender legs.

Everything about her screamed perfection and all the Doctor could think was how on earth was she planning on running in those ridiculous heels.

"Aurora?" Rose asked, confused but also pleasantly surprised at the sudden appearance of the brunette.

The Doctor blinked in surprise as Rose rushed forward and engulfed the girl in a tight hug. A hug that, he noted in disbelief, was eagerly reciprocated. "Wait, you know this girl?"

"Of course I do," Rose laughed as she pulled back to look at the girl. "So you do, Doctor. She's Aurora, my fraternal twin."

"Oh, of course," the Doctor smacked himself on the forehead. "I'm so thick. Thickety thick. I was too busy making sure she didn't supplant one of my companions that I forgot to check if there had been any recent changes to all of your family trees."

Extra family members – much more difficult to get rid of. But fortunately, the TARDIS was already getting onto it.

"Uh, Doctor, what are you talking about?" Rose asked cautiously as she approached him.

"Just stay over here, Rose," the Doctor yanked her over until she was safely behind him on this side of the console and away from the new girl. "Stay where I can see you and away from the crazy girl."

"Now, really Doctor," Aurora grinned as she bounded up to the console to join them, "is that anyway to talk to the girl who saved your life back in the year 200,100?"

"Wait," the Doctor said slowly as he backed away from her, tugging Rose along with him. "One second you were running outside like you have never seen a TARDIS before and now, you've been travelling with Rose and I when we got dragged into the games in 200,100?"

"Huh," Aurora frowned as she thought about it. But she shrugged it away. "I'm here now," she beamed, copying Rose's signature tongue between teeth grin, "we can continue having adventures just like before."

"Of course," Rose smiled understandingly. "I'll go and pack my stuff."

"Hey, wait a minute," the Doctor grabbed onto Rose's hand to prevent her from leaving. "Why are you packing? And why does every single one of you," he pointed at Aurora, "just expect me to allow you to climb aboard the TARDIS. I don't even know who you are!"

"Doctor," Rose laughed as she tried to tug her hand free, "you've been travelling with Aurora ever since you two rescued Mum and I from the autons back in 2005, remember? I'm just going to go and pack. I promise to be out of your hair as soon as I can. I hate being a third wheel."

"Fingers on lips!" the Doctor yelled as he tried to reclaim control of the situation that was quickly getting out of hand. Rose obeyed his order out of confusion. Turning his glare onto Aurora, the Doctor saw she slowly raise her finger as well.

Breathing a sigh of relief, the Doctor turned his attention back onto Rose. He cupped her face with both his hands and stared into her eyes. "Rose," he began softly, "I need you to concentrate. Really really concentrate on your past."

"Okay," she said with her finger still pressed against her lips. But the confusion in her eyes clearly showed she didn't really understand. "Anything you want me to concentrate on?"

"Us," the Doctor said, "memories of us. They must still be there, somewhere underneath those layers of lies. You must still remember us."

"I don't –"

"Finger on lips," he reminded her and Rose fell quiet once more. "You were the one who rescued me from the autons. Remember? You and your bronze for Jericho Street Junior under 7s gymnastic team? You managed to kick the autons into the vat along with the anti-plastic, destroying the Nestene Consciouness. Like you said afterwards, I would have been dead if it weren't for you."

"I… I- I don't," Rose stuttered as confusion set in.

"That makes no sense," Aurora butted in. "Rose has nothing remarkable. She's got no job, no A levels and certainly no future."

"You," the Doctor barked out, "you stay out of it. You, young lady, just hit strike three."

"She's right though," Rose said. "I've got no –"

"Yes," the Doctor said hurriedly, "I know. I know all those things you haven't got. But you know what you also haven't got?"

Rose shook her head.

"A sister, you brilliant stupid girl," the Doctor grinned at her. "And you know what you have got?" Another shake of the head. "You've got courage and determination, qualities that are far more important and valuable than a successful career or some piece of certified paper. Plus," he lowered his voice, "you made me better. That's got to count for something, right? We've been through so much together, Rose. Even if you doubt your own memories, don't ever doubt me. Trust me, please?"

"So I don't have a sister?" Rose said hesitantly, as if she was unsure of the validity of her own statement. But her eyes were no longer confused. They were staring steadfastly into the Doctor's.

"Right," the Doctor agreed. Straightening, he breathed a sigh of relief before he straightened his shoulders and turned around to deal with the other female in the room. "Now you."

"I don't get it," Aurora insisted. "We've been through so much together. We've been to the end of the world together. We stopped World War Three together. You even took me back to see my father. Doesn't that mean something to you?"

"That was Rose, Rose and Rose," the Doctor countered, "through and through. Listen, you Auroras and Annalisas and Belles and Angels, just because you've somehow managed to stumble into my TARDIS doesn't automatically mean you get to join me. You don't get to mess around with my companions like this. They are irreplaceable and I can always tell the difference between what is real and what isn't."

"Wait," Aurora said quickly, "there's something I've been meaning to tell you. When I looked into the time vortex so that I could come back and save you from the dalek army, I think it changed something within me. I think I've become –"

"A Time Lady?" the Doctor guessed with pinpoint accuracy. "And that makes you precious because you are the last Time Lady and that means I'll never be alone ever again." He laughed at the incredulous expression on Aurora's face. "Trust me, you aren't the first person to run that by me and you certainly won't be the last."

He stepped closer towards Aurora. "Even if you are the last Time Lady, that doesn't guarantee you automatic invitation to come with me." He took another step closer. "I've got standards." Another step closer. "I only take the best."

Stepping up until their faces were only inches away from each other's, the Doctor jerked his head back towards the blonde girl standing behind him. "I've got Rose."

Just then, the TARDIS beeped. The Doctor straightened with a wide grin. "Ah, perfect timing," he said as he turned to the computer screen. "Found your point of origin. Well, this is goodbye. Can't say I'll miss you. And don't worry, as much as I'd hope it to be, I doubt you'd be the last either."

"B-But," Aurora stuttered as she began to dissipate back to where she came from. Clearly, she had never imagined in a million years that she'd be rejected. "But I'm pretty!" she yelled as she teleported away.

"Doctor?" Rose asked, forcing the Doctor to turn his attention back towards her. She had a hand raised up to her temple. "Why do I have such a big headache?"

"Oh," the Doctor sympathised as he quickly guided Rose to sit on the jump seat. Memory rewriting always left behind some residual echoes. "I'll go and get us some tea. Then we'll head off, yeah? I still haven't taken you to Barcelona like I promised. Oh well, no time like the present!"

"Why are you so cheerful?" Rose grumbled.

"Oh nothing major. The usual, you know," the Doctor shrugged nonchalantly as he headed down the corridor towards the kitchen. "The Doctor, in the TARDIS, with Rose Tyler."

He turned around and flashed her a heartfelt smile, one that always guaranteed to make her heart skip a couple of beats faster.

"Just as it should be."

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**Author's Note:** Hope you guys enjoyed this :D Please let me know what you thought!

Witless Fool


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